Exam time
Exams blow goats. Hopefully one day, they will simply attach electrodes to your brain, analyse how much has sunk in, and then you get sent along your way.
Exams blow goats. Hopefully one day, they will simply attach electrodes to your brain, analyse how much has sunk in, and then you get sent along your way.
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes
A woman of colour in the Northern Territory, inspired by the passing of civil rights activist Rosa Parks, has today made headlines by standing up to what some see as unjustified seating segregation on public transport.
“I felt moved by Rosa, and to be honest, this was a long time coming,” said an enthused Ms Jones. “I don’t believe any one person has more right to a seat than another.”
According to the minister for transport, the seating rule of precedence is common in the Territory, and considered a matter of courtesy. “To my knowledge, we have never had a problem when people of certain traits are given priority,” he claimed today.
White socialite Jenine Craigwright, the instigator of the request, was quoted as being “dumbfounded” and was disturbed by the incident.
“When I was told to ‘expletive-off, you old cripple’, I was taken aback. The sign clearly labelled the seat to be offered to (the) disabled or elderly. The journey was quite difficult clinging to my Zimmer frame, but I managed.”
As Nguyen Tuong Van's case proves, some people are more important than others. The public may take a shining to one person, but not another. The reasons are complex, but I think I have gathered it into an algorithm. I call it:
"After this legislation is passed, if I urge you to be disaffectionate to Mr Howard and his government, that is illegal - potential jail sentence seven years," Senator Brown said.
So, once the legislation is passed, race to the nearest fridge and contact the authorities if anyone urges you to think any of the following thoughts:
Howard is a cunt.
Howard will always remain a cunt.
Howard hates workers.
Howard should be rectally probed by a marital aid for giants.
Howard is a little slimy shit.
Howard is a filthy rodent (no disrespect to rodents).
Howard thinks workers are scum.
Howard masturbates. With a rubber glove. Over pictures of men.
Howard has an aboriginal curse on him.
Howard hates Australia.
Howard should be spat at, should to opportunity present itself.
Howard - we don't love you anymore. It's you, not me.
Howard has worms and drags his bum on the ground like a dog.
Howard sucks his thumbs and has a security blanket.
Howard only likes white people.
Howard has a secret stash of various pornography deep within his sock drawer.
Howard wants people to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week.
Howard hates Jesus.
Howard went to public school.
Howard needs to be medicated, sedated and restrained.
Howard panders to the worst elements of the country.
Howard likes to bathe in the semen of workplace virgins.
Howard quite obviously has difficulties with sanity.
Howard - we never wanted you anyway, the coathanger thing just didn't work.
Howard has naught but disrespect for the common man.
Howard doesn't wash his hands after passing solids or water.
Howard has smelly feet.
Howard favors slavery.
Howard dislikes all humanitarian aspects of religion.
Howard kicks his dog.
Howard wants to be supreme ruler.
Howard is a cock-smoking fucktard dickhead.
Howard has an over-inflated ego.
Howard believes aboriginal society degenerating is doing the country a favour.
Howard has personal hygiene problems.
Howard has delusions.
Howard's g-spot is excited via stimulating his sphincter.
Howard fantasises about George W Bush, and how things are bigger in Texas.
Howard is going bald.
Howard has a booking, reserved in advance, for hell.
Howard has filthy fingernails.
Howard is a smarmy pompous little shit of a man.
Howard has never done a single days work in his life.
Howard hears voices.
Howard is the single most disliked PM in history.
Howard thinks it is hilarious that ignorant farmers think he's on their side.
Howard has a sadomasochist foot fetish.
Howard will be remembered as the man who destroyed the Liberal party.
Howard is a fungal growth on the genitals of our society.
Howard is an incompetent leader.
Hello, this is a government service announcement.
It is amazing how creepy it is when you only need to edit a few words from anti-communist propaganda from the 60's, to make a quip at todays democracy.
I had a bit of an argument today with an ex-electrician, and an electronics technician (as opposed to me, who has only read bits about electronics) about whether the 240 volts in our AC current is measured in RMS instead of peak voltage. This would make the peak voltage in the range of 300 odd, rather than 240 as peak, and 180 or so as RMS - I explained that I was quite sure that the 240 is RMS, I was told I was wrong, and that I think I know everything, and shut up.
*cssht*
WorkChoices – it’s all about choice.
Well, I've been tagged by the Christian robot Justine, so here's 20 almost-but-not-quite-interesting facts about me,
Well, the brain-washing advertising is beginning. I request only that the Howard government leave me a few of my happy memories of childhood before they erase everything.
Now that we're going to be forced to increase productivity in order to get any sort of wage increase, let's be realistic, and look into ways to do this.
Time is money. Productivity is time, or work units, over money.
To put it another way, productivity is how close your wage is to zero, for any set amount of work in a given time.
Walking.
This is an inefficient, and quite commonplace method of transportation. As healthy as it may be, there is a potential productivity gain by encouraging employees to sprint from place to place. Running can be considered healthier than walking, higher impact considerations aside. Studies show that the average employee walks between 0.5 and 3% of the day, some as high as 50% - the median sitting around 1.25%.
The speed increase, and this is considered on the basis that stretching is done in the employee's own time, is considerable - averaging at roughly twice as fast. There is a median productivity saving of 1.25%.
Sleep.
With the prevalence of unpaid overtime about to increase, sleep is a redundant luxury. ‘Crunch-time’ periods of necessary high productivity are widespread – these are hampered by the extended breaks required through slumber. Techniques and medications to avoid sleep requirements during intense work periods are nothing new. Pseudoephedrine and caffeine tablets are all available locally, and presently are frequently used in the heavy vehicle transportation industry, for example.
Compensation payments can be made to offset the medication side effects and any illness risk (mostly this would be of the psychological variety.) Recent pharmaceutical advances can also be used to counteract the effects, many often ‘elated’ with the results within hours. Studies show that sleep costs the manufacturing industry $5.7 billion in exports a year.
Eating/Drinking.
The advent of drip-feed nutrient or fluid distribution has been used in the medical industry for some time, and is nothing new. 1 in 2 people will be hydrated or fed via a ‘drip’ at some stage in their lives. Focus groups have shown that public perception of automated consumption is at record levels of acceptance. Break periods, used for rest and sustenance, cost Australian companies millions of man-hours each week.
Bathroom Activities.
Currently there is a phase of people’s lives that is spent unable to control either bowel or bladder. For most, this occurs early and again towards the end, and requires measures that benefit both hygiene, and work flow. Interruptions to continuous operations process workers, for example, can be incredibly costly – halting an entire line. Measures to avoid this situation are cheap, easily obtainable, and don’t inhibit lifestyle. These would include, but not limited to, nappies, bedpans at workstations, or extended open communal troughs. The productivity benefits of constipation should also not be overlooked.
Illness/Injury.
Cures are elusive, and expensive. Painkillers, on the other hand, in combination with placebos, serotonin reuptake inhibitors, etc, can be issued by supervisors at low cost, to ensure work continues despite any perceived pain, distress or injury. There are many scenarios in which complete ignorance from pain (commonly known as a stupor) can improve worker performance during these difficult periods. In most cases, even severed limbs or digits can be placed on ice until the workers shift ends, and reattached outside working hours without risk.
Social Activities.
Socializing and talking take up too large a portion of working hours. Apart from the obvious simple draconian silence rules to enforce a reduction, other possible solutions could be: a decrease in media stimuli, in order to diminish the number of topics people feel the need to discuss – this can be addressed by a nationwide ignorance of politics, news, etc brought upon by ‘fluff’ infotainment of little substance (see News Limited’s great strides in this area.) The ability to read and write also is shown to have a negative effect to efficiency.
Hygiene.
Industry loses millions of work hours to hand washing, decontamination and other hygiene reasons. Respect for health and safety will need to diminish into insignificance over time for output rates to increase, but workers may need to be occasionally deloused, hosed down, etc to prevent costly disease and time lost from deaths.
Motivation.
The following chart shows studies done overseas to determine the effectiveness of corporate violence on the individual:
These ‘civil liberties’, often blown out of proportion in popular media, are obviously disadvantageous to productivity. In order to avoid any backlash from liberty loss, the population may need to be distracted, and reforms introduced over time, with some vaguely suitable reason appropriated.
Automation.
Human muscle is, and in the foreseeable future, cheaper and more efficient than any form of automated robotics. This is only the case once heavy pressure is applied.
Holidays.
Holidays should be abolished, but over a period of time.
Genetic modification.
Glycolytic muscles, for example, are superior, and should be genetically engineered where appropriate into employee clones. Preferably, these clones could be purchased from a suitable biotechnology company. Work needs to be done on this early, as even with growth hormones, and other escalation techniques to speed the gestation period, there will be some lead-time. Modification to existing employees might have to suffice in the interim, until suitable units can be manufactured.
Human beings themselves, although for lack of want of sentimentality they should hereon in be referred to as human resources, seem to be the ideal genetic base for workers. History has shown them to be the easiest to subdue, as all other existing creatures always retain at least some respect for their own freedoms when all should at that point seem hopeless – from horses bucking, to dogs escaping, to elephants and orcas snapping.
Workers should be working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with zero faults, at the highest possible rate, given the limitations of muscle exhaustion, lactic acid build-up, overheating, speed of light, etc.
If we take the above measures, I am confident we can all manage to gain some wage increases through these productive ideas.
A big shout out to the peeps who read this site - Herangerman, Aleks, the IRS, etc.
But then again, you already knew that. It's going to be a trickier this time around - June 30th was easy with school holidays, because buses could easily be accessed, and transportation of the insane quantity of workers that poured into the city was possible.
This time around, it's not just mainly a Melbourne endeavour, this one's gotta be big across the country. Details here.
For the event, I have decided to make a large papier-mâché Howard-on-a-Stick, with arms, making some undisclosed and undecided social statement. Here's my progress so far...
Might need to brush up on my grade 3 flour-pasting skills, and get some acrylics out for this one. Will keep progress posted.
Yes, it'd be funny if it weren't true.
Wahoo - bits of the ocean are starting to glow for some strange reason. That fills me with the sort of confidence one can only have with FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?
You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
You scored as Green. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>
What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com |
NOTE: How far removed a Communist is from a Green, etc.
ALSO NOTE: 100% Green, at least I got it right eh? No wonder I'm so happy with my choice.
Link for religion finder here.
Link for political quiz here. Cut and pasted the code, not sure why it linked back to blogger.
“Last Tuesday I resigned as a member of the Labor Party. I could no longer sit by and watch as the party I have loved since a child becomes a faction of the Howard Government.”
“In May 2000, I became the first Labor person and the first woman to win the state seat of Benalla after 97 years of conservative rule. It was the proudest moment of my life.”
“But over the past few years, I have sat back and watched the party I grew up passionate about, that was so much a part of our everyday thinking, move progressively further and further to the right and simply become another faction of the Howard Government with its me-too, me-too attitude.”
“It frustrates the hell out of me - I can't stand it any more and I bet I'm not the only one.” And I thought I was the only one!
“Until more of the original Labor Party devotees stand up to be counted and go as far as resigning from the party, the party hacks and faceless factional men will continue to drag our party into the cesspool of conservative right-wing politics that is so alien to the traditional Labor Party true believers.”
“There are many good people in the Labor Party - where is their voice, why don't they stand up for their beliefs?”
I'm applying for a wardrobe change - specifically, just the collar. I'm thinking a nice shade of white*, instead of my existing blue-ish hue. Crap know's what my chances are, but I'll see how I go.