Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Speeding.

A pregnant woman today was part of a dangerous and trilling emergency police escort. Sgt Harris, from Mornington P.D. originally pulled the lady over for running two red lights and sideswiping his squad car.

"To be honest I was incredibly shocked by the high-speed driving by Miss Jones. But once I was aware of the situation, I followed protocol and escorted her with the siren on, and the normal emergency traffic control schemes were activated."

"I would consider the particular episode proceeded very successfully, and I've been told everything went smoothly and all is well. In the process some minor damage to public and private property was apparent, lives were obviously placed at risk, but sometimes it has to be done, and I accept any repercussions that may be forthcoming."

A Victorian Police spokesperson has told us that the officer will not be chastised for the incident. "In situations such as this, in today's day and age, public endangerment is simply a necessity. If the same happened tomorrow, where a worker, such as Miss Jones, is running late for work, as Miss Jones was, and risks her job and livelyhood if she arrives after 9 AM, we will be inclined to do the same."

"Being dismissed for being a minute late is unfair, but with no fairness legislation, what other option do people have?"

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Ya stooge

A new Australian political party has been announced today. The Stooge Party was organised by Richard Wadd of the Party Preference Stooge Association. "We usually run candidates in wards for cash, or for friends, with the sole purpose of directing preferences away from other candidates" said a jubilant Mr Wadd at a press conference this morning.

"Our clients are almost exclusively right-wing, and we take pride in our retardation of the democratic process. It is time, time for the stooges to announce themselves as the perversity and travesty of fair suffrage that we are. For too long have we hidden behind the facade of each being "independant." We are in negotiations to have our names struck-out when printed/displayed in any electoral roll or HTV, with (Stooge) written beside it. I think this is important, because on occasion we have been unfortunate enough to have actually won seats. It is always unintentional, and very awkward."

Tête de Fesses is the Liberal Party's chief staffer in their Local Issue Association for (mis)Representation, an arm involved solely with sprouting Liberal Party stooge groups that pretend to be a spontanious community action collective against the most prominant particular issue at hand (with titles such as [Council name] Reform Coalition, [Council name] Ratepayers Association, Concerned Citizens of [Council name] against [Particular issue], etc.)

"We here at the Liberal Party would be outraged, if they had officially bankrolled their campaigns over the years. Which they haven't done. Haven't done officially, I mean."

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Lies, lies, everywhere but not a drop o' deceit.

Well, local council elections happened.

There's a woman I know who, through tireless effort, campaigned her council to not privatized their child-care center. They didn't listen and tried to sell it anyway, which failed. She had attempted to campaign the local government on several issues to do what is best, to little avail. I (along with her conscience and others) suggested she run for council - don't complain about the government, BE the government (to put a spin on the old Biafra media cliche), and insisted she run as a Green. (I think my exact words were, if you are a Greens member, and want Greens changes, yet you don't run as a Green, especially if it is because you don't want to lose votes, you may as well be a latte left.)

Today she has Cr. prefixing her name.

I spent 5.5 hours handing out how-to-vote cards (for a different candidate than the above.) It was good. There weren't many who only wanted only the Greens card, but those few that did made it all worthwhile. The only negativity to speak of would be one bloke wearing a cowboy hat who lambasted me with "I don't vote Greens, they tell lies." He also didn't have to gall to pass me on his way out.

Unfortunately the candidate didn't win. Bum. But the cowboy hat guy had me stumped, I was trying to think of lies The Greens are actually guilty of.

I can think of numerous blatant Liberal lies (including that Higgs fellow who lost - HA!), Johnny has seen to that. Quite a few Labor 'policy adjustments', I guess you could call them. Democrats may have a history of disappointment, but not lying per se.

I noticed my triangle from the rally had 'end the lies' on it - perhaps it was referring to themselves?

I am aware of Bolt and his abilities to attribute pretty much anything any crackpot lefty might suggest, true or not, is the fault of the mystical green influence (sometimes he uses an uppercase G.) Even if that suggestion is, say, the common scientific communities consensus, it's still a lie, co-ordinated by the evil "(G/g)reens" underground society, which is so well organized that it has veto power over any voice that endangers the secret goal of living like hippy Amish communists.. (just a guess.)

Anyhow, what better place to find The Greens lies than the website of the ubiquitous Family First parties media releases - the only place that tells the true story of the Evil Greens. With such topics as "Green's Anarchist Candidate Could Hold Balance of Power", "Greens Hysteria" and who could forget the classic "Latham Logging Back-Flip Proves Greens will be Dangerous in Senates".

So that's where I turned.

But, it seems the page has been changed.

In fact, it is the same page, but all the anti-Greens (I think it's incredibly safe to call it) propaganda has vanished. Thankfully, the good folk at the Internet Archive's WayBack Machine have retained a copy of the page in its previous form.

See the current one here, and the old one here. Already sent this to crikey, just on the off chance that it's of as much interest to me as it is to others.

Now, I think one of two things could have happened, either the page was vandalished (possible, the actual PDF's are still available), or they were removed (it might have something to do with the 'we are being taken to court by The Greens for misleading advertisements' and perhaps they lost...)

In either case, best grab a copy while you can, if they're gone, I can provide then upon request.

Anyway, hopefully I'll find some Greens lies one day. I'm still hopeful.

I will end this with a quote from the Tonester from Lateline, who should take a few lessons on deceipt from his master:

TONY JONES: Tony Abbott, on another matter, have you met Archbishop Pell during the election campaign?
TONY ABBOTT: Not that I can recall.
TONY JONES: Not that you can recall, because we believe that you've had at least one meeting with him quite recently? You don't recall that?
TONY ABBOTT: Well, when? Where?
TONY JONES: At the presbytery in Sydney.
TONY ABBOTT: Ah, actually now that you do mention it, I did met with Cardinal Pell. So what? Why shouldn't I meet with Cardinal Pell?
TONY JONES: Why couldn't you recall meeting him, I think, 10 days ago?

(Jones could have said "I'm sorry, the correct answer to my question was 'I'm sorry but I was trying to lie about it, but I fucked up. Whoops. Not sure how I got so far in the Liberal party without being a good liar.")

Friday, November 25, 2005

Despun

Translations:

Downer douses Nguyen hopes: Foreign Minister says legal advice confirms there is no basis a challenge to Nguyen Tuong Van's execution.

ie: "He has to die, absolutely must be hanged to death, choking and turning purple, snapping his spine, agony, etc, because this lawyer told me we can't ask that he doesn't."

Criminal deportations 'not new': Ruddock Deportation of Australian non-citizens who commit serious crimes a "long-standing practice", government says

ie: "This is perfectly acceptable, entirely justified even, by the fact that we have done it before."

Guantanamo's 'token white man': David Hicks is a "Southern redneck" misfit in Guantanamo Bay, a former fellow detainee says.

ie: "Hicks is the only non-darkie here. He's the only one unfortunate enough to have a government that really doesn't give a shit about human rights."

Murdoch mouths off over legacy: Rupert Murdoch hits out at critics who underestimate his achievements.

ie: "I sucked a lot of cock to get where I am."

Legalising abuse of power: Without safeguards, the new anti-terrorism laws open the way for serious mistakes and abuses.

ie: "The government is giving itself the power to silence those who would question it, by saying that only a terrorist would ever dare hold the government accountable, or point out it's foibles, or not accept their absolute rule. And allows it control media by outlawing reporting of certain actions. Some consider that this might just be, in some non-seditious liable way, not particularly a good thing."

Doyle should fear IR laws: Potential backlash looms as more bad news for the Liberal leader.

ie: "Latest poll shows Victorian Liberal Party will get only votes from it's leader, his wife, and the guy in the park who feeds the pigeons and shouts random poetry to himself."

'I can't believe how lucky I am': In an extraordinary appearance, a tearful Michelle Leslie tells of her time in a Bali jail and fears for others left behind.

ie: "Leslie plugs/plays up to her unannounced A Current Affair and 60 Minutes specials, and her 4-part tele-movie, while demonstrating her abilities to cry on cue, in order to further her attempts to get the leading role."

Hot air balloon crashes: A woman and child are hurt when a giant balloon crashes into New York's Thanksgiving parade.

ie: "Not news. But we got expensive footage rights online. So it's become news!"

Melbourne weather: A few showers. 19C.

ie: "Sunny, and then snow. Maybe. Somewhere between -4 and 40C."

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Yargh

Stab-stab wiggle-wiggle Vanstone get's a mention in Boing Boing with her psychotic airline plastic knife whinging. Although they might have left out the bit where she says "and by the time I'm trying to hack my way through my fifteenth steak, I'm breaking out in a sweat."

But they did include: "If I... grabbed (Howard) by the front of the head and stabbed the HB pencil into (his) eyeball and wiggled it around down to (his) brain area." - damn, give that woman a portfolio!

I can only ask this - would, had she listened to the voices in her head on that one, would the nation judge her harshly?



On a completely unrelated note, we have pirates.

Not the ones hijacking those poor luxury cruise ships, or even ones with anything to do with the Flying Spaghetti Monster (may we all be touched by his noodly appendage). No, we got better pirates. Robin Hood pirates.

The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society is in town (Melbourne),



This is the 50-metre, ice-breaking Farley Mowat, named after a man of the same name.

On December 5 it will travel to Antarctic waters in a bid to "harass, hinder and obstruct" the Japanese whaling ships from their prey.

The Sea Shepherd "pirates", founded by Paul Watson, are more combative than Greenpeace, which Mr Watson helped to establish. Indeed, it is unlikely there will be co-operation between Sea Shepherd and Greenpeace, which has two ships on the way to the whale-hunting area.

It's like Greenpeace's evil twin. Or perhaps 'Greenwar'. Just like Greenpeace, but without all that woosy stuff.

The ship is equipped with high-tech anti-whaling devices: protesters will use small speedboats, robotic helicopters (to remotely film the whale slaughter) and power-skis.

National Geographic will be on board to document the bloodshed (of whales that is), and it's all 'LEGIT' as they say. "What we do is dangerous but it is also legal and non-violent," said Mr Watson from the bridge of his ship. "We are upholding international conservation law. (The Japanese) are criminals and they don't have any justification for what they are doing."

Mr Watson, who will be played by actor Christian Bale in a movie being shot about the Sea Shepherd's early days, said the Australian Government was hypocritical to search for illegal Indonesian fishing boats but do nothing about Japanese whaling.

"The message Australia is sending is, 'if you are rich enough, you can break the law'," he said.
"You need pirates to stop pirates; you can't depend on governments. If they were doing their job, we wouldn't have to do this."


Yes, I think I need a catchphrase, something along the lines of "Issues/jobs that wouldn't exist if Greens were in power around the world" - this sounds like one of them.

Paul Watson will talk about the Antarctic mission and show a documentary at RMIT's Kaleide Theatre on November 29. For details, visit whale100000.org. Sounds like a great night out. (Why does anyone even bother going to the movies when there are things like this to see?)

The RMIT is also hosting "Andrew Bolt vs. Rob Watts: Groupthink and the University Left" on Friday, which I'm not sure if I would bother seeing.

Anyways, here is the flag the Shephard flies:

Yargh.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

D'oh x 2

So this intelligent design guy goes to heaven...

Wow, hey God. Good work on the designing intelligently.
Thanks
Say, there's something I've always wondered. Why did you design diseases? And why war, famine, hatred, etc?
I only made one mistake in my intelligent designing.
Well, I guess that must be diseases like cancer and AIDS.
No. I designed a brilliant, abundant, and easily accessible cure for those and many other diseases.
Goodness! Where?
In the meat of the Dodo.
Oh.
Seems the only thing I fucked up was intelligently designing people.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Pro-intelligent-life

Unsure where to draw the line on what consitutes a person, Barnaby Joyce has decided that life does not even begin when sperm meets egg. "If a fertilized egg is a person, then the egg is half and the sperm is another half" explained the National Party member.

Discussions have been made with fertility clinics, and genetic scientists to adjust female ovary's in order to produce as many eggs as a male produces sperm. "It's complicated, but it can be done. Splicing human DNA with that of coral could work perfectly" claimed the head of Fertility Association of Australia.

"There were 254,200 babies born last year. Each of those births represents around 20 million half-person abortions. There are an incredible amount more, by those devil worshippers who don't give birth with each and every ejaculation. For catholics and other generic Christians, this is an abomination in God's eyes. The population of Australia will double within the first few seconds of the initial mothers giving birth."

"The main difficulty will be providing the means for these new 'super-mums' to work. 20 million babies gestating will make it awkward for a mother to perform the normal workplace activities that we expect from them. Ovals and other large open areas will be required for mothers to harbor children, and the foetus' themselves will most likely have to grow externally from the body, which can be done surgically."

Asked whether open areas filled with mothers, each with millions of umbilical cords attached to babies, like some sort of complicated electrical sub-station, would be a bit inappropriate, and that perhaps men should have their sperm count permantently lowered, or testicles removed altogether, he commented "now you're just being silly."

Sunday, November 20, 2005

There's a Young Lib in my ward.

I read about this young 23-year old Liberal by the name of Andrew Higgs in The Age a few weeks ago.

Andrew Higgs, an outspoken member of the Young Liberal movement, has been accused by party headquarters of using the "Liberals" name to raise funds for his own election campaign for Knox City Council and other non-party purposes.

The dinner he held was promoted as a Liberal party fundraiser, of course, the money didn't go into the usual coffers, breaking party policy. It went into the account of "Mr Higgs' campaign team member".

Mr Higgs, a policy assembly delegate for the Victorian Liberal Party, yesterday denied any wrongdoing and dismissed the investigation as a politically motivated "witch-hunt" by the Kroger-Costello forces, of which he is not a part.

"The reason why the state secretariat is getting its knickers in a knot is unfortunately along factional lines and I find that grossly disappointing."

Seems he's from the Liberal Party's Jeff Kennett faction, the neo-conservative, heavily right-wing side. (Yes, Costello is Victorian, and here he is considered left-leaning.)

Mr Higgs is facing expulsion over allegations of branch stacking, forgery and breaching fund-raising rules. Mr Higgs, who is running for Knox City Council, has denied wrongdoing.

Imagine being so terrible the Liberal Party itself wants you out?

His admission to senior party officers, including me, that he forged a signature on a party application as part of a plan to stack a Young Liberal branch is a very serious issue for the party.

Obviously. So it would end there, but unfortunately, this thieving dishonest squirt is in my ward.
So I get advertising from him. Although it's not from him, it's from Knox Ratepayers Association. (I also got advertising from the incumbent, which was authorised by her, and PAID for by her, not by deceit, slight difference there.)

Here's the jist:
At the top of the page is the Knox RatePayers Association logo, etc.
First it reminds you (or is it a threat?) that voting is compulsory.
Then (the person from K.RP.A.) claims that many candidates are not serious, and there to give preferences to others, and that second pref's are important.

THEN it claims there is a "great deal of absolute dishonesty going on. It is a pity that there are some who feel the need to lie to try to win elections." I would agree, and Andrew Higgs does appear to be the one to which you are referring to.

"Whatever your opinion on local politics, I do suggest you ignore any publication from anyone who does not have the courage and honesty to identify themselves and stand behind their claims." - Agree again, the missus' was quite sure it was Higgs himself who posted it in the mailbox, of course, it was not authorised by him, not written by him, and not signed by him.

Then it proceeds to urge disbelief in those that claim to 'slash spending', 'cut vital programs', etc - it even uses the words "why would anyone in their right mind."

"These and other untrue claims such as political party involvement are being made just to try and scare you." What a crock of lies. His picture was in the newspaper, he's a member of the party, albeit with threats of expulsion.

It proceeds to recommend Andrew Higgs, how he's lived here and schooled here. And how he was so fantastic he went on a Rotary Exchange. And he wants to put something back into the area. (Although 'put' might mean 'force' with branch stacking.)

Then, and it's done cleverly, in the usual neo-con deceptive way, it mentions high rates. It doesn't suggest rates will be dropped, it merely states that Andrew "is particularly concerned" about recent rate rises.

And he "is also concerned" about high density housing in the area, and supports better facilities for the likely demographics to vote on that, the elderly and young families.

Then the last paragraph slags the incumbant. "What has she done for you? Andrew Higgs (please make sure you vote for ANDREW because there is another Mr. Higgs running, possibly to confuse the issue) is a fresh face who will bring new enthusiasm and a new perspective to representing you on Council. It's time for change and I urge you to support Andrew Higgs on Saturday."

Thankfully, he's second last, so the 20% donkey won't help him.

He is running as an 'independant'. What an absolute outrage, someone high in the ranks of the party, someone who's election was funded by a dinner claiming to be for the Liberal party, is an independent?

If he gets even close to winning, I am standing for election next. This time around, I'm already chartered to hand out how-to-votes for a neighbouring ward's Greens candidate. (On the rear of Higgs how-to-vote it has the quote "keep the hills green..." - damn straight.)

I'm fumed.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Upgrade

About to go from:

2400 1G 9600p 0.4TB IDE
to:
3800(64) 1G 7800GTX 0.7TB SATA RAID

If the numbers mean little, then you are not a computer nerd, but know that they are pretty special numbers.

So my weekend is going to consist of much surgical PC work, a lot of dust, and most probably lots of profanity.

I once said "130 megabytes - I can't see any reason why anyone would need more hard disk space than that."

To the twats that decided on the various ATX standards, especially the 20/24 pin plugs, a big bird flipped at you on that one. Several rails with the same voltage? A PW-OK pin was necessary? Or perhaps more power supplies need to be made redundant?

And to the corporations that I hold responsible for the gibibyte/mebibyte/kibibyte fiasco. Computers are binary and do not operate in any way to the power of 10's. Binary is to the power of 2, and giga/mega/kilobytes would have stayed that way had companies not abused the situation in order to claim 1024 is the same as 1000. It's not - no one says gibi - because it sounds stupid.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

G+(O * 30)+AL

Finally, Australia gets the chance to fail miserably at the World Cup, rather than fail miserably at qualifying for it!!!!!!

When a goal is scored, it's not so much excitement for the team, it's the thrill you receive when something FINALLY HAPPENS in the game. What a sport.



On a completely unrelated note, soccer players have opened up emergency wards in local hospitals, with a novel approach to patient care. As each patient arrives, writhing in pain, the doctor's simply present a yellow card, or ignore the patient altogether. This results in a miraculous instant cure, much the same as "football" players themselves experience several times during an important game.

Not One Vote.

I want to start a campaign.

And by that I mean mention it once on my blog and leave it at that.

It's called the NOT ONE VOTE campaign. It's intention is to rally up those who would like to place pineapples into inappropriate places of our Dear Government. And also those who just would like the IR/sedition/media ownership/whatever else they've got up their sleeves to never happen again on their watch.

NOT ONE VOTE should be given to The Coalition at the next election, that's the idea.

The premise is that on the edge of a public Cry For Help, such as the rally, is in danger of just deflating into nothing. With the secrecy of AWAs, it'll be near impossible to know who is paid what, what conditions they've lost, etc, even if they start popping up in your own workplace.

So, the momentum will have petered out. Unless we hold the bastards accountable, by encouraging the public to make sure that not a single vote of family, friends, people in the street, co-workers, goes to the coalition.

But who to? The point is, it doesn't matter (although preferences should be considered.)

Perhaps the Lower Excise Fuel and Beer Party? That's a winner.
The Fishing Party? Who doesn't love fishing?
The Four Wheel Drive Party? That may sway a few of the conservatives.
The Nuclear Disarmament Party? There's quite a few on this list.

There is really only one winner in a Federal election, the people. They can only lose if the Liberals get in again.

NOT. ONE. VOTE.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Kevin Andrews tells it like it is.

Minister dismisses protests

The federal Workplace Relations Minister has described the hundreds of thousands of Australian workers who rallied today against proposed new federal industrial relations laws as 'predictable'.

'Unions had predicted that 100,000 would attend, and almost twice as many did, so therefore it was rather predictable. And with the changes being so distressing to the public, it is entirely predictable that so many would stand packed together, despite miserable weather and the forecasts thereof, to take a democratic stand.'

Kevin Andrews said 95 per cent of workers had stayed on the job. "It's always predictable that people are out on the streets," he said.

'And if only 5 per cent are willing to risk their jobs, their goodwill with the company, and haven't been threatened or conned out of attending, then that means no one cares at all. We have indisputable proof, here in Liberal HQ, that throughout history, there has been people of various quantities on the streets of Melbourne.'

Mr Andrews dismissed the union movement's campaign against the legislation as 'hysterical.
He said public concern over the laws would subside when workers and their families began to live under the new system from March next year.

'We are entirely convinced that we can direct the public's attention away from poor working conditions and fewer rights over time. In fact, we have indisputable proof, that over time, people begin to care less about the issues that they cared about previously, which correlates with the amount of time lapsed.'

"I think that Australians, when they are sitting around their barbecue next year, as they will continue to do, or when they're sharing a public holiday with their children, will ask themselves what all this hysteria is about,'' he said in Melbourne.

'Of course, this doesn't apply to those who pawn their barbecue because their boss has, without notice, decided to bank some of the 38 hours they can average over 12 months because business is a bit slow, and need to stop the bank from foreclosing on their house. It also doesn't apply to those, for example, that do not have public holidays, or have had them removed. And the same applies for their children.'

Union and Labor leaders had falsely compared the new legislation to fascism and terrorism, Mr Andrews said.

'And also those evil Christians of all denominations, especially the humanitarian ones, are also dastardly lefties who tell lies and fibs. If you bring it changes that the public is in terror of, it does not make you a terrorist. It makes the person who explains the laws to them a terrorist. We have reduced the amount of queries in question time that allow us to be questioned, we have reduced the amount of time our bills can be scrutinised, reviewed or even debated. How exactly is that fascism?'

"It is totally over the top, equating IR changes with terrorism, saying that this is going to lead eventually to riots in the streets of Australia like we have seen in Paris, to be saying women and children will be killed.

'The LA riots, Paris riots, etc, were predominantely triggered by extreme poverty, these IR reforms do not create poverty. It merely allows business to create poverty, if they so choose. If paying a person somewhere between less and nothing makes a company more money, them's the breaks.'

"That really set the tenor of the entire approach, the entire campaign that the unions have been running.

'And again, by unions, I also mean churches.'

"I believe it has been irresponsible, it has certainly been hysterical and Australians will ultimately judge it that way.''

'When we first introduced the changes, unions predicted drastic changes. They were wrong, they were more drastic than even they could estimate, which, as detail was released, the harsher they became. At first, the union reaction was distraught, so we regressed the changes so they became mortified, and then hysterical. That was our goal, so that I could stand here and say they are being hysterical. Note that there are occasions when hysteria is entirely natural.'

Mr Andrews said he was not fazed by the possibility of a High Court challenge, a pledge made by Victorian Premier Steve Bracks during today's Melbourne rally.

'We have our ways around the traditional means of justice, don't you worry about that.'

When asked about possible opposition from rebel Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce, he replied: "I'm confident that all my colleagues are supportive of this legislation.

'Barnaby is a tough nut, but he's close to cracking. Bill's been working on some great CIA tactics to wear down the psyche of the man. We have explained to him that our corporate sponsors have paid a lot of money for these laws, money that lines his pockets. Sometimes it's hard to get the idea that our purpose is to represent the people out of people's heads.'

"This isn't something that we decided on overnight. It's at least a year ago that I started the process of consultation over this. I spent many months consulting widely, including (with) the ACTU."

'We didn't think the changes up overnight, we were told about what our corporate sponsors wanted us to introduce over the course of several days, the only thing we decided on was how loudly to agree. Initially, we "consulted" the ACTU with a manilla envelope full of $2,000 in unmarked bills, which was returned. We have been increasing the quantity of case within the envelopes, and each time it seems to get harder to return.'

Mr Andrew said the decision about whether to issue fines of $22,000 to construction workers who walked off the job would not be decided by the government.

'This is because we will just have the OEA do it for us, as it has done in the past - if the company and employees come to an agreement, and there are no fines, the OEA will enforce the fines on employees themselves regardless, despite what they "decide". That way, we can say the government didn't decide it.'

"That's a matter for the building and construction commission. It's an independent body. It has a statutory (regime) which it operates under.

'Should the need arise, we could always initiate a regime change.'

"We have put in place some laws they're about bringing about lawful behaviour and activity in the building and construction industry.

'They're mostly harsher penalties for existing laws, if you exclude the parts that give builders less rights than rapists, murderers, etc. The prior laws were incredibly successful, after a Royal Commission and vast quantities of money, we actually had one case that even vaguely made it through the legal system.'

"We would hope that in that industry, like any other industry in Australia, whatever activities are carried out will be done in a lawful manner."

'Which is like saying "we hope you act lawfully, homosexuals" just after we outlaw sodomy and being gay.'

Mr Andrews then took a swipe at the federal Opposition leader's vow to repeal the legislation if Labor were elected.

'Half a billion dollars was spent trying to inconvenience (at best) the Australian public, and to reverse it is a huge waste of taxpayer's money. This makes it more important for the Liberal Party to maintain incumbency. The company's preferred Labor's half-arsed reversals of the changes. The psychologists working for the government are going to have to put in a lot of overtime trying to figure out how to win the next election now, or else we might lose our sponsors.'

"We've had Kim Beazley out there saying he's going to tear up the entire piece of legislation and yet on the other hand we've had Kim Beazley say he couldn't undo AWAs (Australian workplace agreements) because there are too many losers.

'I don't think that came out right, can I say that again, I didn't spin it properly. I might have implied that those on AWAs are losers. I'm not a-spos-ta say that.'

"He's all over the shop. He hasn't got a policy on this.
He said 900 Australia workers had already signed AWAs."

'Of course, it does make sense, Kim says he will undo this legislation. This legislation did not introduce AWA's, it just makes it easier to employ people at a disadvantage, therefore to undo the legislation does not imply complete removal of AWAs. But I'm not going to admit that.'

Mr Andrews said the government would not extend its advertising campaign, but would instead hold seminars to provide further information on the proposed changes.

'There are two ways of manipulating the public. Lies/deception and distraction. We tried lying, and it wasn't very successful. As for distraction, which reminds me, a husband who batters his wife is bad.

It is an entirely bad thing. Terrible, must be stopped. Perhaps we will stop it.

Oh, and remember Labor's 'do not call' legislation that we blocked? We're going to introduce it, but we're going to call it Liberal's 'do not call' legislation. Of course, we are going to threaten it for ages so there is a flurry of advertisement phone calls, and then introduce it, so we look like winners, even though it is entirely our fault, on both counts. Our team of psychologists are great.'




Melbourne at protest time is insane.
Freakin' insane.

Mostly union worker types, but so many elderly people, so many families, even some Labor people in suits trying to imitate that silly thing the Greens do by waving triangles around. (I didn't wave my End The Lies - The Greens triangle much at all.)

After the speeches and music from Federation Square, it took me about an hour to walk 20 metres. So many freakin' people. It get's a bit scary when, even with elevation, there is no end to the sea of people in either direction.

The pre-recorded speeches were a freaking brilliant idea - religious people, political leaders (Bobby got a big cheer), workplace victims, yada yada you know the drill, you all saw it and if you didn't, know it was good.

Monday, November 14, 2005

I URGE AFFECTION

Well it appears disaffection is on the way out, so we are left with no choice.

I urge affection towards the Government of the Commonwealth - that's right - affection.

Write a love letter to your local minister, don't forget the perfume and kiss-marks.

Blow kisses to them, or do that quick-lip-pucker, especially if you are of the same gender.

Mount your local member (HA!) - their leg, torso, parliamentary vehicle, whatever - it's about a show of affection.

Banners need only be adjusted, use the following as a guide:






So if showing affection provides you an erection before the next election,

fuck it - I urge disaffection, this is gay.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The End is Neigh.

"They will not bring the end of the world. The sky will not fall in" claimed Prime Minister Howard in parliament on the 10th November 2005, in regards to industrial relations changes.

Lawyers for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse™ concurred. Mr. Black, one of the horsemen, remarked that he “had already been brought.” Representing unfair trade and corruption keeps Mr. Black busy in Australia of late. “If charities would stop feeding the poor we could also get some famine going, but I’m already run off my feet with this government.”

Mr. Red, the horseman representing war, claimed he had been brought many times. “Iraq, terrorism, drugs, with so many wars I’m constantly snowed under with paperwork most weekdays.” An assistant had been acquired to help with the workload.

“My team has been hard at work, and we have managed to make some headway into the False Christ campaign which correlates directly with the rise of neo-evangelist fundamentalist Christians,” states the Mr. White, representative of False Religion. “And they call me the fucking Antichrist.”

Mr. Pale, who at his distress, the others call Mr. Green, despite his pleas of how much it suggests he is Mr. ‘Hippy’, regards the IR legislation as not particularly “end of world-ish.”

“It’s still a bit iffy. Bird flu is probably the closest thing to pestilence we’re likely to see, but that really has little to do with worker’s rights. Nonetheless, I’m still the odd one out; everyone else has been welcomed into Australian society with a warm embrace with Mr. Howard at the helm. I’ve really got my hopes on the FTA allowing unfair patent grants for pharmaceutical corporations, which should create a monopoly that would allow pricing to affect Australia’s ability to afford the drugs needed to prevent widespread diseases.”

“I don’t think the industrial relations legislation will bring the end of the world – but it certainly will be the end for the most vulnerable.”

The Australian Bureau of Meteorology refused to comment on any declination of the sky.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Rude

Some old dude was scooting past on an electric scooter for the elderly, he looked as I sipped my coffee on the porch. I waved - it's a small town. He just looked at me and drove on by.

WTF? That's great, leave me hanging you old codger. I dunno, old people today..

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Jesus H Christ

Beholdst!

Doubters of the cross!

I have been blessed with the image of our Lord and Saviour(TM) in perishable goods, as is the style at this time.

Below is what I believe to be the most faithful supernatural rendition of Jesus, discovered many seconds ago, back before I had uploaded it via USB from the Handycam, in a slice of Prota-Pak Beef Dinner dog food:



It's Buddy Jesus - 'cause he's winking. My dogs ate Christ - should I give them wine?

Aus.Terrors - 17 = DoublePlusGood

In a surprise move last night, police decided to use anti-terrorism laws against possible terrorists, rather than the usual peace activist and ex-intelligence political dissenters.

A welcome change.

A few things though, it is quite convenient. I switched from channel 7 news when the 'reporter' made the comment "Prime Minister Howard is now completely vindicated for his recent legislation. Mr so-and-so, don't you agree?" "Yes, I agree, Howard is completely vindicated."

And I shit you not, changed to channel 9 news to immediately get this:
"Does this vindicate Mr Howard?"
Bracks: "Yes"

Can we ask the question - were the new laws of any use whatsoever? That would be slightly important in order to judge any vindication ideas.

From The Age:
"(Assistant Commissioner Graeme Morgan) would not comment when asked if an urgent amendment to Australia's anti-terror laws passed in federal parliament last week allowed them to carryo(sp - come on Fairfax pull your finger out) out this morning's raids"

Interesting point - SBS news had:
"The prime minister has claimed this vindicates his anti-terror laws"

Let's compare the points:
Seven: "Howard is now completely vindicated for his recent legislation"
SBS: "Howard now claims to be vindicated for his recent legislation"

Also, watching the scenes outside the court (channel 7 proudly claimed it was their man who got beaten which was a but upsetting), with the bashing of a camera man - is it just me, or does this bunch of hoodlums look more like a gang or criminal underworld group?

Are gangs terrorists? Is a muslim gang called a terrorist cell? Is the hoody religious attire?

Channel 7 or 9 had the quote that one of the men considered being a 'martyr' - a suicide bomber. Although, I think the suicide bomber bit was paraphrasing, Jesus and Ghandi were martyrs but not bombers, but they weren't exactly seeking revenge for the actions of infidels. We need a new word for martyrs, this one is officially stuffed. Damn terrorists.

Around 11 today I was listening to 3RRR with a co-worker, as they were asking for callers about the arrests and shooting, information at the time might have been a bit difficult to come by. The call went out for neighbours, anyone who could tell them what happened.

They had David Manne on for a bit, then commented on the lack of calls, then music.

And a bit more music.
And then the announcer, with what seemed to be a slight quiver in her voice, completely changed the subject, and simply announced some more songs.

The songs went for a spell of around 25 minutes - unprecedented, and at the time was quite disconcerting. What the hell was going on?

Eventually she came back, and announced a few more songs - it seemed like she was her normal self, but her voice still quavered at intervals, like a miniture shudder of the lungs from at attack of the nerves, and made a passing comment about the strangeness of the world in this day and age, 2005. Another bout of songs and she seemed entirely revived.

Kinda creeped me out, someone with shock in their voice is scary. Guess we'll never know, maybe she had a panic attack or something.

All up, arresting and charging fundamentalists is great - good work. Makes a nice change.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Eunuch

From Wikipedia:

"A eunuch is a human male whose testicles have either been removed or are non-functional. The earliest records for intentional castration to produce eunuchs are from the Sumerian city of Lagash in the 21st century B.C. Over the millennia since, they have performed a wide variety of functions in many different cultures such as military commanders, singers, religious specialists, government officials, and even guardians of women."

Brilliant. That. Is. A. Brilliant. Idea, and should be implemented immediately.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

OK class,

OK class, today we're going to learn about the Liberal party.

Oh oh!! *waves hand*

Yes Timmy, do you have a question?

My Dad says we are never to actually say name of the 'party which shalt remain nameless.'

Yes, Timmy good point. You see class, back in about 2009, a loose pact was made amongst Australian's, to never speak the name of the party again, except for academic purposes. This is common when a great evil descends upon a country, can anyone give me any other examples?

The swastika in Germany.

The devil with Christians.

Very good class.

Ow. Miss, Billy hit me with his ruler.

You are such a Howard; I did not.

Billy makes a good topic reference with his profanity there....