Thursday, January 26, 2006

Australia Day

It's Australia Day. A day for all Australian's to be entirely self-righteous. To collectively attach everything great within our borders, and claim it as fruits of our own personal labours.

Ultimately, there is no Australia. It's a vague concept. Countries, states, cities, suburbs, regions, roads, lots, they all exist for the sole purpose of navigation, with a few local law differences on the side.

A lot of Australian's understand this, and spend their Australia day doing the right thing - sleeping-in, relaxing, socializing, family time. They don't go around marvelling at how wonderful they are, vicariously noting how shit everyone else is. It would be called 'up yourself' day otherwise.

Where does Australia the concept stop? Is it somewhere in the ocean? A certain distance from the shore? Does it include New Zealand - or Nauru? Nauru surely - they use Australian dollars and the number one sport is Australian Rules football.

Is patriotism an allegiance to a border?

All this nonsense is dangerous, and can be easily abused.

Sunday, January 22, 2006


I have been neglecting my blog. This is bad, for some reason. I haven't been paying much attention to world/local events.

There is a great deal of comfort allowed to those who remain ignorant, and I have to say, it's great not knowing shit. And stuff.

The newspapers have been getting sun-bleached in the driveway, and my brain is lulling down to the rank of average Australian.

And now, the real reason I haven't been blogging:


I can't be bothered trying to find the topical ones, so just pretend I wrote something harshly critical of something or other.

Here's a picture of a bug from the Bugs From My Porch collection, because I like to take photo's of them:

Evil Bug says: "Arrrr.. when I grow up, I want to be as satanically disturbingly evil as George Bush."

Oh, just thought of something:

John Howard begins cabinet reshuffle: "With a lack of co-operation in the ranks, I have decided I will sit in every seat in parliament, and will finally abolish the minor parties, such as Labor, the Nats, and everyone else."

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I started playing World of Warcraft. The following is a quick review:

Blizzard really have out done themselves with the first MMORPG to..

Ahh screw the review - it's sometimes fun but it takes up too much time and it's addictive.

Kids, don't do drugs, and for heavens sake, don't play Wow. You have education and life to experience, there are no real goals to achieve in a game.

Plus, you're clogging the servers for us old bastards who have nothing better to do but escape from the grind of life.. little shits.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about that.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Having a whale of a ti.. [PUN ERROR: 233]

It's not incredibly true that killing whales does not provide scientific benefit, Japanese research has shown that:
* Whales are still tasty
* Whale meat can be sold for a pretty sum.
* Fast food restaurants selling whale burgers are a cash cow (no pun intended.)

Whalers and activists accuse each other of being terrorists?

Greenpeace sprays slogans on the side of the ship – exterior decoration, or graffiti at worst.
Sea Shepherd tries to jam up the gear, sabotage but mostly a silly nuisance of an idea.
And the whaling vessels spray them with water – now what does a ship that fills up with water do? Does it in anyway endanger the lives of the sea-persons? Is forcing a ship to take on water in the open ocean a brilliantly nice thing to do? I don't think so.

(Of course, there's that time a Greenpeace vessel was blown up by terrorists (read: government officials), but that's a different story.)

One group has an agenda based on sustainability, the other on profit.

Truth be told, Greenpeace are, and I hate to put it this way, doing John Howard's bidding – his administration lobbied, pleaded and endlessly talked to protect whale sanctuaries. Perhaps secretly he applauds their efforts – in the same way as if the Sea Shepherd shepherded boats full of lip-sewing refugees out of Australian waters, because it is the same thing. Bob Brown shouldn't be the one getting the media for this – this is John and Co.'s will and desire.

And quite frankly, they are doing the bidding of the whaling industry itself. Obviously it is struggling with self-regulation, even international intervened regulation, and will end up self-destructing if stocks are depleted. Perhaps that should be Greenpeace's slogan: “Save the whales, but only until they require culling in order to balance the oceans ecosystem, then it's Save the Krill.”

Although Save the Krill is a bit similar to “Save the Blowfly! There are too many swats around!”

I have no beef at all with traditional whalers – if you can catch a whale old-school, good work – much like the Saint Vincent and the Grenadines whaling (which involves a single elderly man and his nephew who “carry out the hunt using simple hand-held harpoons and wooden rowing boats.”). If you require a vast fleet of factory vessels, you have no shame.

And besides, we have, with America, a big fat population that is begging to be rid of it's excess blubber – and we have an obvious demand for raw lard as a Japanese and Norwegian delicacy from whales. I can see a link, and a quite prosperous export opportunity here, people.

And now for the satire:

Activists go “Japanesing”

Greenpeace and Sea Shepherd vessels have begun what they define as a scientific analysis of Japanese whalers. “Fascinating, yet simple, creatures” claims Paul Watson, head of Sea Shepherd.

“We are taking samples from small pods of Japanese that get stranded in Australian waters. The meat will be shipped to take-away restaurants in the form of sushi.”

“Some praise the Japanese as resourceful, brilliant animals, and should be protected, but the truth is somewhat different. A chicken knows little of the facts involving any strain on fish stocks a whales diet causes, or even of the historical World War II, and neither do the majority of Japanese. The whalers actually believe a whale is not intelligent based on the weight of the brain, and the weight of the mammal itself. If true, this would mean an ant is far smarter than Einstein, a dolphin would have several PhDs, and fat people would be so retarded they would have difficulty tying their shoe laces (which is usually due to other reasons.)”

“Unlike whales, there is also much less fat on whalers, with the added advantage of being completely spineless. Their songs are terrible though – have you heard The 5,6,7,8's? Whale songs are infinitely more pleasant.”

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Some people say children's drawings are not art.

Unless they're done by a talented adult... like me.

Here's one I call: "My Holidays"

And this is titled: "Back to Work"

Moral of story: Work sucks, and is not restricted to the sucking of, the following: eggs, dogs balls, the big one, monkeys, turds, big time, so very very much, the life out of me through a large intravenous soul/spirit vacuum device.

(Prints available upon request - HA!)


And now for something completely different else:

This flew onto the hand of a relative sometime between 2005 and 2006:

And I thought this was cool:

Yes even rundown ramshackle petrol station owners are proudly Greens.

And NO that is not Dannii Minogue eating Watermelon, it's someone else... ahem.. Free porn.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


How many years will it be before the entire Internet is simply dissolved into Wikipedia?

As we age disgracefully, we will tell our grandchildren of the origins of Wikipedia, whilst they sit solemnly in front of the WikiWall©®™.

And they shall tell unto us "I know that grandpa/ma, I looked it up." To which we shall reply "lousy little know-it-all, it was we who donated the monies and knowledge that built the free collection, ya ingrate! We battled mightily against potential bias via advertising, and fought vigilantly the vandalism/NPOV wars of the naughties. History revision was unmade that day" before they press Mute The Elderly button on their iMplantPods.

So give some COLD HARD CASH to Wikipedia. And please, if you know anything about anything, please make it officially recognised knowledge and edit a page - many of us would love this opportunity, but know so very little. So give that our brains may grow.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Our Dear Leader enjoys a tasty beverage.

Howard celebrates the fistive season.

Our Dear Leader.
And may his shit reign down.

(I got one of those drawing tablets and have to justify it.)