There's a bloody good reason not to be here.

Where the bloody hell are you?

Some honesty in advertising would be nice:

Please come to Australia, we've pretty much outsourced any useful jobs for ourselves, and if it wasn't for mineral exports and tourism, we'd be boned.

Once you arrive, there are many wonderful sights - the Sydney Opera House, Parliament house, none of which you may photograph. It is not recommended that you be within 100 meters of these.

Every second muslim to visit will receive, at no extra charge, the experience of being treated like a criminal suspect!

Travel advisory: It is customary to remove your burka, turban, bulky out-of-season clothing, any materials or goods that are even remotely combustible, beard, middle-Eastern name, etc, at the airport, in order to prevent body cavity searches or extradition.

Come to Australia, we might not put you in solitary confinement.

Come to Australia, we will look at you funny, and suspiciously, and may bash or spit at you.

Come to Australia, but when it's time to go, GET THE FUCKING HELL OUT.

Come to Australia, actually, we don't want you here, we just want you to spend some money here, actually, just wire it and stay away, it's for the best.

Come to Australia - our prime minister has a curse on him from the natives!

Come to Australia - but if ASIO asks you to come to a voluntary meeting, uh.. swim.

Come to Australia - oh you heard about that Cronulla thing? And the many colourful comments of our government? And that Pauline lady too? Front page you say? Yeah, I understand, forget I said anything.

Come to Australia - for some reason the people here aren't able to spend much money anymore.

Bloody Hel... (Budget expired, please insert another $180 million into the slot provided in order to continue this advertisement.)

One tourist made some important points -
"Australia could not rely solely on its good reputation" - because, y'know, it lacks one.

"You still have to reinforce and let people know you're there. If you don't advertise, then people will forget" - that it even exists. Do we really want to be visited by people who aren't actually aware of a continent unless they get sworn at by their TV?