Unions Incognita

Unions are no longer required, society has changed. At least according to the rate of union proliferation in the workforce.

“People don't want to be able to vote for collective decisions within a union meeting where they pass a motion, get to speak and get to vote, as in a majority rules democracy, they want to be handed their wages and conditions on a like-it-or-lump-it basis, like communism” said head of Public Manipulation for the Australian Industries Group, Fay Uliandolopolis.

“One of the main factors left over from the 80s is the 'me' factor. People are increasingly selfish, pig-headed, thinking only of their own hip pocket, and like to be disillusioned about their own ability to bargain. They want to be able to say to the boss, "can I have a 5 percent raise this year?" and for the boss to say "you're fired, get out." I mean, who seriously doesn't want that? They no longer have their job, but at least they got to initiate the sacking themselves, they feel like they're a part of the process of mistreatment, it's all about individualisms.”

Katie Lahey, chief executive of the BCA agrees. “I agree. Another increasing situation is people think they're getting paid too much, or they have far too many conditions forced on them by unions they aren't even members of. This is obviously incredibly distressing, especially for young workers who want to just scrape by, starving artist style, if you don't have the right to choose poverty, where is your freedom? It gives them a sense of doing the hard slog; that they really are a battler. The sense of struggle has been lost, and these Industrial Relations reforms will help to curb this wave of comfort and low-stress.”

Union delegate and factory worker Steve Dliechk, also believes in the free-market ideology for labour units. “I thought when everytime someone, like, went to the office, and, fair or not, got told they were gettin’the arse, and they’d cry heaps and stuff, I thought it was ‘cause they were, like, sad, ‘cause they’d been real good most of ‘em, and that was all they needed to do, y’know? Work hard and be good and the boss won’t be a cunt. But I don’t think they was sad and cryin’ ‘cause they liked their jobs, or they’d get to have a say in their jobs, it’s ‘cause they were happy to be freed, ‘cause they was stuck in like a rut, and wanted to be a part of the drifting workforce with like, no fixed address.”

The culture of unions is out of date, they need to reform, claims the AIG. For too long they have been concerned wholly with the needs of the employees as a collective, and need to start pushing more for what the Australian public really wants, if federal politics is anything to go by, and that is to be concerned, and to work towards the financial dreams and goals of individual companies.

Greg Combet responded to the above commentary, but his words are not publishable under the Offensive Language in Media Act 1996.