Unintelligible design

Creationism, ahh the monkeys are at work again. Here + Now.
(Actually I've had this sitting in "Draft" mode for a while but thought I'd finally post it.

"insists intelligent design is science-based... and those who would seek to corral it off, really, they're just ideologically driven"

You fuckin' what?!

The.. idealo.. the desi... what the flying?!
Science? Ideology? I'm conflatulated.

Campus Crusade for Christ Australia.

CALL GOD:
[rings]

Hey God! I've been telling peeps aboutcya!

Fantastic, did you tell 'em to be really good to each other, and to the world I gave you?

Oh, uh.. a little.. I guess, but I spent heapsa time putting Intelligent Design, like the stuff you made, into science classes, 'cause it kinda is science y'know. Pretty cool huh?

Well, that's... Why?

I.. I just thought you would want that, and I sort of had an inkling, so I just guessed that was just you telling me to do it.

I told you to do it?

Yeah.

Through an inkling?

Yeah. Well, everyone was talking about it, and well, I guess, telling me to do it. Heaps, really.

Explain the inkling.

Oh, yeah, it was, um.. I was sitting, watching one of those Hillsong DVDs, you seen those?

No.

Well anyways, I was watching one, I think it was 'Church in Schools Volume 9', and I'd just got through the fifth disc, on the What You Should Be Doing section, when it suddenly struck me - and I had a feeling, an inkling, a sign from God, that this is what I should be doing.

...

Still there?

Always.

Heh.

So you want this Intelligent Design taught in science classes?

Yeah!

While it's also being taught in religion and philosophy?

Yeah!

As well as in church sermons?

Yeah!

And Sunday school?

Yeah

And on early morning television?

Yeah

As well as parents teaching the children themselves, and learning through the internet, music, DVDs, and books? And the bible, although there's not really much in there about that?

um.. I guess so. Yes.

OK. If evolution existed, would I have invented it?

Of course! You made everything!

So if I made everything, perchance I made the very theory of evolution itself? It's such an incredibly complex system - the creation of everything, so complex that from the Big Bang's universe expansion, to the separation of quantum forces, to the chosen collection of elements spewed from star matter collecting on a small blue-green planet, with the very elementary initiation of life from the primordial ooze being so unbelievably random as to have the first single celled organisms creation themselves been considered miracles, through to every mutated DNA strand by photon from this sun, from deep space, trillions every nanosecond, over millions of years, did it occur to you that causing evolution was all by my design? Or would you have me make the world in a couple of days, like some sort of a barn-raising? Does not that theory itself insult the intelligence of my design?


Oh, I.. I think you lost me there.

Tell me, why do you think I installed a brain into your skull?

So.. so I would have the mental capacity to recognise bad stuff, and then not do that stuff, and also so I can appreciate You.

Check the switch at the back, I may have forgotten to turn it on at my end.
[click]
Jesus, hold all my calls until they get a gay pope.

But Dad, that's 12 years away!