Today's headlines...

*In best Wil Anderson voice* And now a look at today's headlines.

Bush briefs Howard on nuclear deal:
Pulls up his briefs, calls 'wedgie!', then tells him what to do.

No major checks of AWB contracts:
Just major cheques.

Troops head for disaster zone:
Iraq now officially renamed The Disaster Zone.

Kennett backs Georgiou for Kooyong:
Because official Liberal party policy is to keep homosexuals in your field of vision.

Bid to gag rural ambulance whistleblowers:
Ambulance sirens now a muffled toot.

Prognosis grim for Democrats:
Pope turns catholic.

Canberra tips 3 new uranium mines in 10 years:
Tattersalls refuses bets due to insider information, and rigged outcome.

Time to speak on sedition law changes:
Gov't suggests do so whilst lining up against a wall.

Charges against ex-HIH chairman to be heard next month:
Plea of inability to recall heard already.

Sharemarket breaks through 5000:
Driven by the invasion of Iraq to topple Saddam Hussein's regime.

(Actually, that last snide comment is actually from the article. *sigh*)

Labor wants ISPs block net porn, violence:
Claims: we still have some more popularity points to lose.
OR: Australian blog servers crash due to sudden rampant ranting.

We sponsor terror: ex-judge:
Pope shits in woods.

Science and art joined:
Religion reacts with jealous rage. Science takes restraining order.

Frozen eggs an option for 'socially infertile':
Frozen nads an option for contraception.

Downer worried two years ago about AWB contract:
The 'it's old news - people have moved on' argument suprising still not used yet.