Tree of no ledge.

God holds press conference

Good evening everyone, thanks for attending.

As you may or may not be aware, I am God, and I am calling this press conference to get something off my chest. For too long now, I have maintained a lie as a truth, and I wish, today, to set the record straight.

The deceit is in relation to Adam and Eve, and the Tree of Knowledge. When I first created the Heavens and the Earth, I made many of each kind of creature, using my patented genetic code system, so that problems with inbreeding would not occur from the word go.

However, Adam I created in my image - the most intelligent and perfect creation of all. When I created Eve, I overlooked one important issue - that their grandchildren would all be inbred freaks. I acknowledge my mistake now, I should have created several more Adams and Eves, but at the time I hesitated admission. Once man began writing, I continued to deny my error, and invented the entire Tree of Knowledge bullshit - I was desperate, and due to my self-esteem issues, could not bring myself to take blame for the mistake of man's mental disfunctions. There was no serpent, no apple, only genetic freak after genetic freak. Adam was a 12 foot dark-skinned environmentalist nudist vegan, and with inbreeding, future generations height was stunted, their brains retarded and generally disfunctional, and many became albinos. They began eating cute little animals, logging the trees, and became lazy, selfish, and even paranoid about their nudity. I accept full responsibility for the human condition, and I can only hope for your forgiveness.

Oh yeah, and the reason why not everything is inbred from Noah's Ark, is because that whole thing is complete crap - stop taking everything so literally, you retarded albinos.