Hill$ong

Hill Song

And our Lord, Jesus, our Saviour, King of the Jews, Hero of Capitalism, stormed into the temple, and overturned the tables of the money lenders, and called it a den of thieves.

Now, Jesus was an astute businessman. Why would Jesus, who praises us everyday with the material wealth we need to worship Him, be turning over the tables of a bank?

Because Jesus, our Lord and Provider who art in Heaven, had not received his cut.

You see Jesus, praise Him, had a complex racketeering outfit, can I get an amen? He was the original mobser, the all-mighty underworld figure. Because, as we say here at Hill Song, wealth without conscience is the only way to get closer to Jesus, can I get an amen? Oh praise him.

Jesus was owed a huge amount of protection money, He was outraged when he found His 15% cut in myrrh was closer to 14.9%, ropable when he was robbed of His fair share of frankincense was being undercut through undeclared sales figures. Can I get an amen?

A den of thieves he called them. Rightly so. In the day of Jesus, there was even less of an enlightened Holy Free Market than we have today, Jesus was forced by market forces to resort to extortion, corruption, and crime. His pimping business was going well, He even cleaned His own whores feet when He could, His fishing training, ropeless-slow-waterskiing businesses, His instant hospitals - gangbusters. But, as our revised Bible tells us, it is easier for a rich man to put a needle through their own eye, than it is for them to get even richer.

Today's sermon is about Jesus, about why crime is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord, because the personal collection of wealth is just so incredibly important.