Humans or votes, it's a toughie.

Steve Fielding unsure if refugees classify as 'families'.


"I'm still not sure" claimed Mr Fielding with a furrowed brow. "It's a complex issue. Families are closely related human beings, I know that much. And I still stand as a representative of anything that is beneficial to families. But whether asylum seekers qualify as human beings is the bit I'm unsure of."

Senator Fielding met with West Papuans this week, where he reportedly cut them to see if they bled. "I hurt them, and they did cry, but it did take quite a lot pain - the Papuans didn't seem to mind, they said it was still 'better than being killed' or something. But I have sent samples of DNA to be checked against normal people (Australians). The lab report claims there is a 'negligible' difference, so I'm still in brow-furrowing mode."

"If they do turn out to be human beings, then it begs the question: If processing them off-shore decreases the likelyhood they'll get accepted, and they return to be killed, or their trauma is such that they commit suicide - are these lives more or less important that any public perception that Family First is soft on border protection. Lives or votes - it's a difficult decision."