Green Gods

I'm a bit concerned, in a kerfuffle, about this Census doodad.

Specifically, the religion section.

Now I could fudge it with Jedi, or lie and claim to be a Pastafarian, from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but that's not true - there is a biblical text, but no actual church or religious following.

From reading Herald Sun opinion columnist Andrew Bolt, he does assert that those who care about the environment, or social justice, peace, etc - are followers of the alledgedly well-established 'green religion'.

Therein lies the dilemma - can I put that down? If it's a real religion, am I going to some polluted hell if I don't pay a tithe? Who do I pay it to? Why am I freakin' sleeping in on Sundays? Which day IS the sabbath anyways? Where's the freaking church? Do we call it a church? Who is the deity? Is it the Earth? Gaia? How do I join officially? Is there a form? Should I only eat fish on Fridays, or should they be farmed humanely and sustainably, and therefore acceptable on any day ending in a 'y'? Do I pray? Do we get clerics? Meditate or masturbate? I was just sitting around figuring shit out for myself, am I supposed to be being told what the think? By whom? Are the pews comfy? Do I have to fast, because I haven't been doing that. Gregorian or Julian? Can I drink? What's the green religious position on pre-marital sex? Should I floss? And most importantly: WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT ON THE CENSUS? If I put 'green' as religion - and take Andrew Bolt's words in good faith, am I breaking the law? Could Andrew be lying to us? Surely not.