Today's headlines...

Israeli bombs kill UN observers
Embassy claims: "They had a very suspicious 'looking'-type behaviour. Just like Hezbollah 'looks', y'know? Like terrorist observers, that sort of thing."

Virgin won't hurry US expansion plan
Virgin? The US? Man, there has to be something funny to write about that....

Is there a zombie in the Vatican?
Mindless soulless weak-willed half-humans wandering around being a nuisance? Sounds like Catholics to me.

Petrol prices just shy of $1.50 mark
Cost is totally justified. (That's the joke people.)

IR laws may 'lead to workplace violence'
(I remember I was going to write a post ages ago about how they'll need to legalise boss-bashing, in order to relieve the court and jail system from being overcrowded, after WorkChoices...)

We're close to snaring F1 points: Webber
"...just as long as everyone crashes or has their car fail before I do."

Unions dishonest on IR ads: Howard
(I think the headline itself is enough of a joke.)

Solomon politicians get big pay increase
How incredibly unusual.

Priceless statue returned to Iraq
"Wasn't worth anything"

Inflation rise temporary, says Costello
But - if Labor was in, they'd be far less temporaryish.

Aussies worry over petrol, housing costs
Concerned over how to afford to drive to work, and how to provide shelter from the elements. Economy is booming apparently.

New bikini to help prevent sunburn
States on tag: "For indoor use only."

Ruddock fights for tough censorship laws
Wants to publicly incinerate certain publications deemed a threat. (What, like that's unusual?)

Don't believe workplace ads: Costello
"Believe me, I told the truth recently - I know it was the truth because I said it was the truth. OK the Prime Minister disagreed that it was the truth, but these ads - they aren't the truth."

Botox could curb incontinence
...claim stuck-up arsehole's with blank expressions.

Aussies rely on others for Lebanon exit
Bolt claims: "How quickly they abandon us when they need help. How quickly they call on others in a rude attempt at pointing out how little we care. How quickly they take advantage of our Australian negligence, and other nations ability to feel sorry for them. Does being Australia really mean anything to them? I'm Dutch, by the way."

Day of shitty hard-to-make-fun-of headlines: me.
Damn headlines.