Shave.

Miners under investigation.

Recent national security investigations have begun on Brant Webb and Todd Russell, seen above. It is believed they now pose a threat to Australia. AFP Commissioner Mick Keelty said he "cannot comment on individual cases", that there were privacy and security concerns in leaking this information to the media, but in this individual case he would only comment that investigations are underway, and provided an in-depth dossier.

"We do not racially or religiously profile citizens, not legal ones anyway, and most definately we do not ever admit doing so" claimed Mr Keelty. "But we have reason to suspect these two miners of joining a particularly fanatical and violent group, based on their sudden and inexplicit growth of facial hair in the form of beards over the past few weeks." At this point the commissioner tapped his nose, gave a nod, looked us in the eye and mouthed what seemed to be the name of a religion.

"There is much evidence for this, they have been in hiding for some time, and our investigations confirm reports they have been involved with a cell of some description. Attempts to question the men has proved difficult, and for the present, is beyond our departments budget to do so."

ASIO operatives declined to comment, but did say the following in relation to the matter: how did you get this number, could we stop drawing attention to them - we would blow their cover, that no - this is not a Groucho Marx disguise, and could we please leave their subtle van parked outside the mine, marked on the side with 'pizza', 'electrician', 'Jim's Make-up Vans for Naomi', and 'Other Miscellaneous Contractory Things' signages.