Australia Day.

It’s our national day. A day, nationally, that all Australian’s in Australia (mostly) get off work to allow them to recognize that Australia exists. Without Australia Day, we’d run the risk of having no concept of our own country – some of us would think we were just West New Zealanders or Southern Oceanic Region #3 or something, it’s a seriously important day.

REMEMBER KIDS: AUSTRALIA EXISTS.

And it’s a female country too. A few hours after Tim Flannery got the Bestest And Most-Australian Australian of Year award, he slammed the Most Senior Australian Decision Maker (Howard) for his “dragging the chain” on climate change.

Howard believes in climate change, but he’s not as “fanatical about it as others”, not as “bowled over” by “doomsday scenarios” – which is code for “we are affecting the entire atmosphere of the planet, but only a fanatical fruitcake would believe that could be disasterous.”

Johnny also said “we do have to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, Australia does have to play her part”.

HER part. It’s a chick. Not entirely sure how a country can be a person, can she breed? Popping out little islands after a one night stand with New Zealand? Can a land mass even have a gender? If two continental plates “bump ugly”, for example, Australian and Pacific, then they can create new baby islands. New Zealand is our plate’s illigitimate child, but there is no gender involved, no tectonic penis, Australia is an hermaphrodite.

So have a great hermaphrodite plate day everyone!