Think of England

US Army private Lynndie England was sentenced to three years' jail and granted a dishonourable discharge by a military court today for her role in abusing Iraqi prisoners at the Abu Ghraib prison near Baghdad.

"I though they were chickens, like in a factory chicken farm" pleaded the former factory chicken farm worker. "I didn't know they were human beings - this contradicts everything the administration has vaguely insinuated in a round-about way."

Similarities between chickens and terrorists were pointed out by England's legal team - including cowardly acts of terrorism, and the strange ‘clucking-esque’ noises foreigners make.

"My client is a simple person, an average American - not very well trained, and was confused by the way the inmates were treated – (in) such a similar manner to the cruel chicken farming techniques used in her home town” claimed her lawyer in reference to her home town’s chicken farming techniques, and the semblance thereof. “Putting up with the horrific screeches of tortured poultry erodes any sense of compassion with those that are surrounded by it, and this should be taken into consideration whilst my client is charged with being a scapegoat”

The greatest crime, claimed the judiciary, was that inmate torture was the explicit authority of the civilian contractors, such as Anteon, employed specifically for tormenting purposes, and the military should ensure in the future that there is adequate training in avoiding politically detrimental photography.